I’ve never really written about men and relationships before but since coming to New York and being soaked with a bucket full of ice cold reality, I felt that now was a good a time as any to start.
I want to address this dreamy myth attached to NYC, that there are sexy Mr Bigs and chivalrous Tom Hanks’ at every street corner, ready to whisk you away into a movie romance. Nope. Sorry to disappoint.You may be miles from home, but you’re still in this thing called reality.
I could count on more than one hand the amount of times I’ve been asked (after only being here 7 weeks) “Have you met anyone yet?” – Ummmmm….
TV programmes like Sex and The City give us all this impression that New York is a place where people come to fall in love, but why? The people who live here are still people, it’s not as if they’ve been given some kind of romance chromosome that everyone else in the world missed out on. Here’s some of the men I’ve encountered in the past couple of weeks.
1. A guy I was talking to at a rooftop bar the other night, Mr Over-Confident, actually asked that I stand up so he could “physically assess” me, questioning which of my body parts I preferred “boobs, bum or legs?” The rest of the conversation didn’t go too well for him.
2. Another man I have encountered whilst here was Mr I-Want-It-And-I-Want-It-Now; a big spender at a club who was celebrating in the VIP section with his friends. Dark, handsome and dressed to impress, I was initially quite infatuated by his appearance. We talked, he charmed, we drank, I laughed blah blah..and it was fun being with him (when I was behaving the way he wanted), BUT as soon as I told him I was leaving the area to be with my friends, this whiney, spoilt child revealed itself. The handsome, successful man in the suit was gone and all I saw was a snotty kid throwing a tantrum because he wasn’t getting his own way. So long, farewell.
3. Mr Bull-S*** has also made it onto my New York Men reality check. Have you ever met a guy who literally just doesn’t shut up about himself?; he’s saying all these words, barely pausing for breath but nothing of relevance seems to actually be coming out of his mouth? Now I did meet him in a coffee shop, cliché Hollywood rom-com style, however this situation was more like the opening scenes of a movie where you see all the idiots the main character has to deal with before the real story begins.
So I think we’ve established that wherever your geographical location in the world, you’re always going to bump into the same kind of people. Even in the 21st century, women (and even men, in fact) are pressured considerably by society and the media to be romantically dating- it’s like there’s this big rush to settle down! I myself have been trapped in this mindset in the past, thinking that having a guy by my side would give me an increased sense of self-worth. But the key thing about self-worth is the word ‘SELF‘; it has to come from you yourSELF, nobody else. If you look for it in others, that’s when you start settling for men and women like Mr Bull-S*** and Mr Over-Confident.
Quite frankly, I didn’t come here to meet a man. I came here to learn, experience and live (these are all solo endeavours). I won’t lie and say I’m not a hopeless romantic at heart, living with my head in the clouds is part of who I am – but that doesn’t mean I’m actively trying to find a guy. I’m enjoying discovering who I am, by myself.
AND just to throw a spanner in the works, for anybody who ever gets down about this kind of thing when they fill their heads with the likes of Sex and The City and Bridget Jones- just think about who sticks with the main character throughout, is it their love interests or is it the other massive presences in their lives, the people who they’d crash without and who would leave a gaping hole in the whole plot if they were eradicated? Their friends.
So, my response when you ask “Have you met anyone yet?” …Yes. I’ve met and continue to meet fantastic people, each completely different to the next. I’ll never forget that famous quote from Sex and The City where Carrie realises that perhaps it’s friends who are your soul mates…food for thought, right?
Because Sex and The City for me, was never really about Big and Carrie’s love, it was about the love Carrie and her friends had for each other. I’ll always be a hopeless romantic but the friendships I’ve made here have genuinely brought me all the greatest movie moments I could have ever wished for.